Chapter Seven - The Non Girly Girl

Chapter 7
The Non Girly Girl



That’s how women should behave, I had noticed. Positively. They had to laugh with anything, and think everything is super-fantastic-amazing-perfect. Even though, it turns out, everything sucks. Sadly, how that’s the way it works. And whoever didn’t follow that rule was... in a way, not a female. At least not the prototype of a female.
It’s sad really. It’s almost like cleaning or going to the dentist. You are, in some way, forced to do it. Even if deep down you don’t want to. Suddenly I realised why so many women are miserable; because they can’t follow that rule.
Mentally I made a list of seven sins for women:


1. Bitchy remarks (girls must always be polite and think positively all the time).
2. Bad mood (girls must always smile and laugh - even if they don’t think something is funny).
3. Smart only in certain areas (girls must only be good at art, music and gym).
4. Show angrer (on the contrary, girl must cry).
5. Dislike for animals and kids (we must think they are adorable).
6. Short nails (women must always have perfectly manicured nails and toenails – preferably in a French manicure).
7. Dislike for organization (a woman must love order and always have a schedule).


Afterwards, I re-read my list. And I came to the sad realization that I had six out of seven points.
At school I wasn’t the smartest student. But I was so bad in art, music and gym that I got only half a point. And I did like kids, unless they were spoiled little brats who cried all the time and never did as told. But I was definitely scared of most animals, especially kittens (apart from the fact that cats in general are evil, they have nails and will scratch you at any time for no reason; the fact that this doesn’t keep parents from buying kittens for their kids is definitely a mystery!). That’s another half point. Therefore, that’s six out of seven.
In other words: now I had it writing (or at least in the form of a list). I had no trace of femininity. I wasn’t a “girly girl”. It made sense, then, that Calvin would prefer Rebecca over me. Without a doubt, she would always be a perfect woman, without any points.

I woke up when Sarah started poking my stomach.
“What are you thinking about so intently?”
“Nothing.”
“Your socks are dirty by the way.”
“I know,” I said. “I don’t feel like washing them. I’m not a girly girl.”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“Ok, listen to this,” Sarah said. “Gemini...”
“Wait, why are you reading Gemini?” I asked. “You’re Pisces aren’t you?”
“Yea, yea,” she said impatiently. “But John is a Gemini.”
“And you want to read his horoscope?” I asked her. “How is that gonna help us?”
“Can you please stop talking for a sec? I found something interesting.”
I honestly couldn’t figure out what could be so interesting about John’s horoscope. But nothing could stop Sarah. The only think I could do was shut up and listen.
“You might found yourself in a position where honesty is a must. Perhaps you’ll need some help in order to tell all. Just think, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
Sarah’s eyes were wide with excitement. Her expression was that of someone who just won the lottery. Like actually.
“Do you get it?” she asked.
“No.”
“He needs help. It says it here. John will admit if he’s sleeping with Amanda only if someone helps him.”
Oh, God. There was no saving her. The only thing I could do was call a psych ward and ask them to send over a representative, and a car to take her.
“The tricky thing is how,” S continued oblivious to my thoughts. “I think I have to call Derek and James and ask them what they think.”
“Wait, how do you know that John is a Gemini?” I asked suspiciously.
“We have our ways, darling.”
Nostalgically I thought of the old Sarah, before this whole thing with John started. The old Sarah. The one who fell in love with a different guy every week, and with whom you could have a normal conversation.
That was the Sarah I knew and loved. And I wanted her back. Plus, to be completely honest, I was a little jealous that she was having so much fun acting like Sherlock Holmes with Derek and James.
“Why don’t you fall in love with someone?” I asked. “That way you might be able to forget about all this crap.”
“You’re the only one who thinks this is crap,” she said defensively. “And maybe John. But that doesn’t matter. We think this is a lot of fun.”
“By “we” you mean you, Derek and James,” I said sulkily.
“Exactly. And you’re welcome to join us. After you set free your fun side. You know, the one that’s been hiding lately.”
“You know what? I think that deep down you’re in love with John and that’s why you’re obsessed with finding out if he’s sweating it up with Amanda every night.”
“Yea, of course,” S retorted. “How could I resist an asshole?”

No, there was no way I’d join their little club. I already had my own problems with Calvin I had to deal with. Plus, yea John was hot, but every time he opened his mouth, I pretty much wanted to slap him.
And in the meantime, I had discovered that my new neighbour, Ben, had managed to pretty much become bffs with John and all the other jerks from Anderson Advertising. Even John Sr. was impressed by him. You’d think a smart business would be able to see what an ass Ben was. Basically, the guy had managed to get on everyone’s good side and they thought he was amazing. Especially Paris. She was always either talking to him in his office or having lunch with him or going to meetings with him. Basically, she was everywhere he was.
Whatever. It’s not like I cared.



“I got it!” Sarah yelled, startling me.
“What’d you get?”
“The summer barbeque!” she exclaimed. “That’s when we’ll get him.”
Every year Anderson Advertising holds a semi-formal 4th of July party in celebration of our country’s national holiday and to celebrate the company’s anniversary. It’s a big deal, and all employees take part in preparing for the event. (John likes to make people do most of the work, even prepare some of the food, in order to honour those who had to do everything themselves, back when Anderson had ten employees and no money to spend on a venue or any helpers.) Everyone from the members of the board of directors to the interns does their part in ensuring the event is a success. It’s an event in which we are supposed to “get to know each other in a more relaxed environment”. It’s actually a bit of fun.
“It’s the perfect opportunity,” S continued. “John will be relaxed and calm. In a party mood... and hopefully a little tipsy! The only thing we need is to get him alone for a bit and ask him. It’s perfect!”
She jumped up from my bed and quickly folded the magazine in her purse.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Home, to call Derek and James. We have to come up with a plan,” she said and then practically ran out of my apartment, leaving me alone.

Chapter Six- The New Neighbour

Chapter 6
The New Neighbour



I hadn’t seen the new guy since the test on Wednesday, and seeing as that it was Friday, I actually felt a little better, even though I still hadn’t heard of any news in regards to Calvin and Rebecca.
Thanks to my good mood, I had decided to try to cook something I had seen Bobby Flay make last week on the Food Network.
During the elevator ride up to my floor, I was trying to remember if I had all the ingredients I needed to make Philadelphia Style Steak. I had gone grocery shopping at the little market by my apartment building just the other day, - because I knew I wouldn’t be home until around five o’clock, which meant there’d be no fresh produce left – so I was pretty sure I had everything I needed.
I got off on the 15th floor, and was surprised to see moving boxes all over the hallway. I immediately looked to my right, where apartment 15B was, curious to find out who my new neighbour was but was disappointed when I saw that the door was closed. Not making any noise, I walked towards the door to try to hear if anyone was inside. Not having heard anything, I decided to take a peek at the boxes surrounding the apartment. I mean, a quick look to see if my new neighbour was a guy or a girl wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t invasion of privacy or anything. I was just curious. And since there were only two apartments per floor, I had every right to know the sex of the person I’d be sharing the top floor with.
I reached down to a big box a good four meters away from the door, only to find it taped shut. Disappointed, I started looking around for a box that didn’t have tape on it and spotted one tied with a string to the left of my neighbour’s door. I quickly walked over and started untying the string. Ok, to meet my new neighbour, I thought just as I was opening the flaps.
“What are you doing?” I heard a voice ask curiously.
Fuck! I looked up to see a beautiful woman, about my age, leaning against the door frame, looking at me with a quizzical expression.
When had she opened the door? And how hadn’t I heard her?
“Um... hi. I’m... I’m your neighbour,” I managed in a strangled squawk.
She had continued to look at me, her expression not changing, until she burst out laughing.
“I’m assuming you were just trying to make sure that box was closed properly,” she said after she was done laughing.
“Uh... yea... I mean, yes, of course,” I said.
“I’m just kidding. No need to worry. Been there done that at my last building. And I’m not moving in here, so you don’t have to worry. I’m Claire by the way,” she said with a friendly smile.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Jess. And I’m really sorry about all this... I’m going to go hide in my apartment now if you don’t mind,” I said embarrassed.
“Haha. Ok, catch you later.”

I quickly walked over to my apartment an let myself in. My God, that was so embarrassing I thought as I took off my shoes and left my purse and keys on the accent table. I wonder if she meant it when she said that she’d snooped in other people’s moving boxes. I hope so. I really didn’t want her to think I’m some weirdo. Hmm, maybe I should take her a steak when I’m done cooking them, since I had purchased two. (This wasn’t by choice, by the way. Steve, my butcher, would always laugh at me when I’d ask for one steak, so to shut him up, about three months ago, I started buying two steaks, letting him think I had a boyfriend. Technically, it wasn’t exactly a lie. I mean Calvin was bound to see that we were mean to be together, and before long, I’d actually need to buy two steaks.) But she might think that’s just weird. I guess I’d have to wait and see how they’d taste, and then decide.
I turned on my laptop and while I waited for it to power up, changed out of my work clothes into my “home” outfit of boxers and a tank top. Carrying my laptop, I walked over to the kitchen and after selecting my latest playlist on Grooveshark and turning up the volume, I started looking over the recipe to make sure I had everything.
David Guetta’s latest hit Commander came on, and after turning it up louder, I began cooking. This was going to be so much fun!


By seven o’clock, I was still cooking.
At least, that’s what I thought I had been doing. The oven was roaring with heat. Pots were bubbling on the stove. The blender was working away. I’d burned my right hand twice when placing things in pans. My recipe print out was open on the kitchen counter, drenched with spilled oil and hot milk. I was puce in the face, sweating hard, and trying every so often to run my hand under cold water.
I’d been going for a solid two hours. And I hadn’t yet made anything that could actually be eaten. So far I’d discarded the one steak, two pans of burned onions, and a saucepan of steak sauce.
I couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong. I mean I had been following the recipe word for word, so it didn’t make sense. Plus, I was starving so there was no time for analysis. Every time something went wrong I’d just dump it and start over again.
Suddenly I smelled something burning and turned to see my steak on fire. I grabbed an oven mitt to handle the pan, when the smoke detector went off, startling me, and causing me to drop the pan on the ground, barely getting a chance to move out of the way.
“OH. MY. GOD!” I yelled. “Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. This can’t be happening!” I hurled the pan across the kitchen, where it smashed against the dishwasher.
“What the hell –” a male voice exclaimed in surprise.
I looked up to see the new guy from work standing there, with nothing but a pair of boxers (black, Calvin Klein ones), and I knew that I was hallucinating. There was no way he was actually in my apartment. And in a pair of boxers, nonetheless. “Oh my God, it’s you! You work at Anderson Advertising right? Is everything ok?”
“Everything’s fine,” I said rattled. “Thank you.” I made a dismissive motion with my hand, but he didn’t move.
“Um, you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here... I didn’t stalk you or anything. I actually just moved in next door. I was packing away some stuff actually, and then I heard the alarm go off, and I came knocking but there was no answer, and then I tried the door and it was unlocked, so I just came in to see if everything was ok,” he said, surveying the mess.
“Oh. Right. Well, um, everything’s fine. I’m just in the... most complex stage of the... um...” I glanced down at the stove and gave an involuntary scream. “Fuck! The steak sauce!”
“Get it off the heat, for God’s sake!” he exclaimed while reaching for an oven mitt and putting it on his hand. He snatched up the pan and moved it to another burner. “What on earth is in that?”
“Nothing, just the usual ingredients: mustard, honey, horseradish...”
He takes a wooden spoon and tastes the sauce. “Baking soda? You put baking soda in gravy? There is no way that the recipe calls for –” He breaks off and sniffs the air. “Hang on. Is something burning?”
I watch helplessly as he grabbed a pot with a thick, black mixture.
Oh, no. My provolone sauce.
“What is that supposed to be?” he asked incredulously.
“It’s provolone sauce,” I retorted. My cheeks were burning but I lifted my chin, trying to retain some kind of dignity. “I guess, I left it over the fire too long.”
He placed the pot in the sink and turned to look at me, his face working with disbelief. “Want some advice? Don’t ever cook again. I’m serious. I just moved in and I actually really like my apartment. Plus, it took me like three months to find it and I don’t have any time to go apartment hunting.”
“I can cook, smartass. I just must have missed a step or something. I was actually cooking a Bobby Flay recipe, thank you very much. Very complicated,” I said pissed.
He was leaning against the counter, his arms folded. He reached over to where I had the recipe, and started reading over it. “Hmm, not exactly beginner but not advanced either. Wait, why were you making two steaks?” he asked confused.
“Um, I wasn’t,” I said.
“I guess it’s none of my business. But if you’re having a guest over tonight I would suggest take-out.”
I sank down onto a bar stool and massaged my aching lower back. I hadn’t realised how exhausted I was. “I wasn’t cooking for two. I just always buy two of everything when I go to my butcher,” I explained.
“Why in the world would you do that?”
I felt a painful wrench inside. I couldn’t face telling the whole dreadful story. Besides, it’s so pathetic.
“It’s complicated,” I said.
“I’ve got time,” he replied, a smile playing on his lips, “but first, I think we should clean up, because it will be a pain to clean it up after everything’s dried up.”

Compationably, we emptied pans and pots into the bin. I scrubbed all the smeared surfaces while he mopped the floor.
“So how long have you been working at Anderson?” he asked as he was rinsing out the mop in a bucket.
“Four years. I did my co-op there during my last year at NYU, so I was hired right after I graduated.”
“Oh, cool. Well, it seems like a good company to work for. I grew up in Connecticut, so after Yale, I worked for an advertising company in New Haven.”
“Wow, you went to Yale?” I asked impressed.
“Yea. Well, everyone in my family went there so I didn’t really have a choice.
I opened my mouth to ask him when he went to university – then on second thought, closed it and shut the dishwasher. I didn’t want to start getting into details, going down the “do we know anyone in common?” road. Besides, he was an ass, so why get to know him?
A quick glance at the clock told me it was eight thirty but at last the kitchen looked a bit more normal. I picked up a bottle of Chardonnay from my wine rack, and poured some into two wine glasses. I offered one to my new neighbour who took a large gulp and then placed his glass on the counter. We sat there in silence for a while; the music having stopped playing a while ago.
I guess he isn’t that bad, I thought. I mean he had helped me clean up. Although he still hadn’t apologised for the whole “acting like an ass” thing at The Food Emporium. But maybe he was going too.
I looked up at him and saw that he was studying me with an... amused expression.
“BEN? BEN WHERE ARE YOU?” I almost fell out of my chair at the sound of someone yelling. A few seconds later, Claire appeared in front of us looking like a frickin movie star in a gorgeous green dress which brought out her eyes.
“Ben, my God, I was getting worried. Sorry for barging in like this Jess, but your front door was open and I couldn’t find Ben, so I thought I’d come ask you if you’d seen him,” she said looking relieved to have found him.
I had totally forgotten about her. Oh, God. They were probably a couple. Probably engaged to be married, I thought bitterly.
“Claire, you look incredible,” I heard him say.
And she did. The bitch.
“Thanks Benny. But you can’t take me out in your boxers so get your butt back to the apartment to get dressed. Your tux is hanging up in your closet,” she said smiling. “Oh, and I made you a grilled sirloin with a red pepper sauce and goat cheese with fucilli and creamed spinach on the side because I knew you’d be hungry when you came home from work,” she added.
“You are the best. Have I told you that I love you?” he said.
“Only a few hundred times today,” she said sweetly.
Can someone please hold my hair back while I puke? Seriously, couldn’t they do this somewhere else? Like in their apartment? Oh my God, they better not have chosen any of the rooms next to my apartment for their bedroom, cause if I heard anything, I will definitely burn the place down.
“Ok, well, we should go so I can change,” “Benny” said.
“Oh, yea, of course. Thanks for the help,” I said.
“Uh huh. Don’t mention it,” he replied.
“See ya later Jess,” Claire said before turning to go, with him following close behind.
“Yup, see ya.”
“And don’t attempt to cook anything,” he called out to me from the door.
“I won’t,” I promised.
“Why did you say that?” I heard Claire ask.
“Trust me, you wouldn’t believe what a mess she’d made before. You should teach her how to cook. She’d learn a lot from an amazing chef like you,” I heard him reply.
I heard them laugh together and their laughter was shortly silenced by whoever closed the door behind them.
Asshole. It’s not my fault that the recipe was so complicated. “You should teach her how to cook” blah, blah, blah. Please, my cooking skills were fantastic, thank you very much. UHH, God I hated him so much!
I filled my wine glass up to the top, and decided to call Sarah to tell everything that had just happened and to invite her over so she could cheer me up.

About thirty minutes later, I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
“Your door was unlocked,” Sarah said walking in. “You need to learn to lock it Jess. Especially since Ben and his gf like to walk in without knocking. I mean they obviously aren’t like your last neighbour, but still.”
“Don’t worry about it, my new neighbour definitely won’t want to stalk me, like Harry did. Not when he’s dating a movie star, who not only cooks for him, but who also cooks him gourmet meals.”
“Hmm, clearly your mood hasn’t improved since we talked on the phone. What are you up to now? You looked like you were deep in thought when I walked in” she said ignoring my comment and sitting on my bed.
“I’m imagining how happy Calvin and Rebecca must be” I answered honestly. “And the more time that goes by, the more depressed I get.”
“You shouldn’t think about it.”
“Yea, I know. But I can’t help it. That’s just how I am. How about you? How are you?”
“On a scale of one to ten,” she said thoughtfully, “probably six. Maybe seven.”
She reached for her purse and took out the latest copy of Cosmo.
“No more tests,” I pleaded. “Either way, I’m gonna get a zero, regardless of the subject.”
“I didn’t say anything about a test, but I do think you need some advice,” she said. “Hmm, ok. Here we are. Cancer. Listen carefully.”
I signed. Here we go again. Wasn’t my life miserable enough without all that stuff?
“Your love life is very slow at the moment,” Sarah read out loud. “Isn’t that right? See the horoscope is right!”
“S, my love life is always very slow,” I pointed out. “It’s actually nonexistent. And evidently, Cosmo noticed it too.”
“Be patient though, nothing is what it seems. Soon you’ll find yourself hopelessly in love with someone who also loves you back.”
S looked up from the magazine with a thoughtful expression. “Hmm. Enigmatic but interesting. You have to be patient. So basically, you have to wait for Calvin and Rebecca to break up again. Which will definitely happen, just I told you.”
Nothing makes Sarah happier than when a horoscope mirrors her great advice. Maybe she will be a psychic or something. She’ll make a ton of money – from housewives of various successful men and desperate teenagers, all part of her future clientele.
“What if they never break up?” I asked. “What if they stay together till they’re eighty? Then I’ll have to wait till Rebecca slips and breaks her hip. But by that time, will I still want Calvin? I mean eighty is really old. What am I supposed to do till then? Learn how to play bingo so that I can entertain him when finally get together?”
“Baha! Seriously Jess! Haha! How do you even come up with these things?”
“It’s my sick imagination talking.”
“Anyways, you gotta stop that. You have to start living in reality.”
Sarah turned back to the horoscope. And she said I didn’t live in reality! God, I think we’re both losing it.
“The part about not everything being what it seems like definitely relates to Calvin and Rebecca. On the outside they seem happy. But in reality, they’re miserable and they fight all the time.”
“Really?” I asked. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. It’s only a matter of time before they break up. And then, it will be your turn to strike.”
The way Sarah made it seem, it sounded like a very easy thing to do. Maybe she was right though. I just had to be more optimistic. Or else, I wouldn’t be able to get anyone.

Chapter Five - The Moment of Triumph (6.8 seconds)

Chapter 5
The Moment of Triumph
(6,8 seconds)


The next day I found out that Calvin had been dating his annoyingly perfect secretary, Rebecca, for the past week. But then, they had broken up – until Calvin wrote her a letter and then they got back together.
In other words: my pen had been useful. For Calvin and Rebecca. For me, this meant a whole new level of depression which, not even my usual remedy of watching Pride & Prejudice while eating chocolate and crying until I was literally dehydrated, could fix.
What more did Rebecca have that me? Answer: everything. Perfectly straight hair, for example.
And, most importantly, she had Calvin. My Calvin.
Grrr! I was sure that they were unbelievably happy together. They would go on long walks holding hands, and they would talk about what they should name their kids. She’d definitely choose sophisticated names like Nicole or Oliver. Poor Calvin, he wouldn’t know what hit him.
And if that weren’t bad enough, Sarah was not being supportive at all.
We went out for lunch at a cafe. (There was no way I could stand seeing Calvin and Rebecca feeding each other that day’s special in the caf!).
“Don’t worry Jess, everything will be ok” Sarah said. “Hakuna matata!”
Ok, my world was coming to an end and she was quoting Lion King?
“Nothing’s gonna be ok,” I snarled. “Unless I get my hands on some arsenic.”
“Hmm, a little extreme, and also quite impossible.”
“I mean so that I can give it to Rebecca.”
“That’s also extreme. Not that it’s not a good idea. But a little extreme. Besides, no offense, but I don’t think a striped suit would suit you.”
“I’m pretty sure that nothing suits me. I might as well wear a potato sack.”
“Hmm, it wouldn’t work.”
“What? The potato sack?” I asked.
“No, I mean between Calvin and Rebecca. Think about it. They’ve been together for a week and they’ve already broken up twice. I give them two more weeks... three tops.”
“Do you believe that?” I asked excited. “Like, for real?”
“Uh huh,” Sarah replied. “In other words, you can stop obsessing and focus on more serious things.”
She was right. After lunch, we had a test on income statements and, even thought I was really good at accounting, I couldn’t remember if revenue or expenses were first when writing an income statement.
“I’m referring to the mystery of John’s extracurricular activities,” Sarah said.
Oh! And I thought she actually meant important matter when she said “important things”. She, Derek and James has been talking about that all morning long. I was actually at the point where I felt sorry for John (not to mention myself, for having to listen to all their plans even thought I wasn’t in a good mood). Why couldn’t they just leave the guy alone? Did it really matter if he and Amanda were getting it on at the office?
“Why don’t you ask someone from the evening cleaning crew?” I asked bored. “I’m pretty sure about half of them are in love with John anyways, so I’m sure they’d know.”
“We already tried that,” S said. “James stayed till 5:30 last night and went around asking all the women. In fact, they were all flattered that he was talking to them. As for the secret affair, however, they didn’t know anything. They told James to ask Amanda or John.”
“What if they were lying?” I asked.
“Oh my God, you’re right! What if they were covering up for them? Do you think John has paid them to keep them quiet? Or maybe...”
I zoned out and started thinking about the test. At that point, that test – and I wish this were true for other tests – seemed like paradise. I looked down at my watch, and was relieved that lunch was over.
On the way to Kingston, Sarah realized that she forgot her notebook and went to her desk to get it.
I just kept walking down the hall with my head in my book, trying to memorize the rules for the test. It wouldn’t hurt to read over my notes right before the test to make sure I knew everything. Plus, I’d be busy in case I happened to run into Calvin and Rebecca.
Evidently I was really concentrating on my notes because, a minute later, I tripped and almost fell on someone. When I looked up from my book, I realized that my bad luck never stopped. Standing right in front of me was the guy from The Food Emporium.
Up until now, I had managed to successfully avoid him at all costs. Whenever he’d walk in a room, I’d leave, and if we were ever in the same room for a meeting, I’d look in every direction except his.
But, sadly, in this case, I couldn’t ignore him.
“Whoa,” he said when he found his balance. “That was a close one.”
Idiot, watch where you’re going, I thought, but didn’t say anything. I only gave him a cold look. And he laughed.
“Are you always this clumsy?”
I knew very well what he was referring to. He clearly hadn’t forgotten the whole wine incident and thought he’d keep bringing it up. But I was gonna show him that I wouldn't allow him to mention it again.
“It’s not my fault you’re standing in the way,” I said.
I wanted to leave it at that; superior and dignified. But what I actually sounded like was a spoiled brat. Damn it! What was it about this guy that brought out the five year old in me? Me, a person who under normal circumstances, is very mature!
“Uhh... Jessica, that’s your name right?” he said. “I just wanted to...”
“I don’t want you hurt your feelings, but I really don’t care what you want,” I interrupted him.
He was stunned. Yay! I finally did it! That definitely sounded superior, and not a bit childish.
At that moment Paris and London appeared along with a bunch of marketing and accounting employees for the test. Paris greeted him casually (and with flair), but he didn’t seem to notice. He had continued to look at me, and when everyone was standing within hearing distance, he said:
“The sure thing is that you act like a little kid. Like a spoiled little brat. I haven’t met many people who are like you.”
Of course everyone heard him and burst out laughing. Evidently, they thought it was hilarious. But I wasn’t going to let him come on top.
“Yea, see?” I said. “We have something in common.”
And with my head held high, I walked right past him into the room.
When in the room, I could hear him laughing like an idiot. He asked someone if I was always this immature. Probably Paris or London, or someone who hated me and would confirm that I was, but I couldn’t hear anything.
I sat towards the back of the room, and started sharpening my pencil pissed. From now on, I would go back to ignoring him.
S showed up at the last minute, out of breath, with the lecturer right behind her. The lecturer (David) shut the door, and placed the tests on the table.
“Hello, everyone,” he said. “Ready?”
Despite my anger, I was happy we were writing an accounting test. I was confident that I’d do a good job, and I definitely needed an ego boost.
David started passing the tests out (there were only 24 of us, so it wouldn’t take him too long).
When he got to where – in my opinion – no one was sitting, he paused and looked concerned.
“You must be Ben,” he said. “What are we going to do with you? John didn’t tell me anything. I’m assuming you haven’t prepared since you’re new here. You can sit this one out if you’d like.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said. “I can, at least, just try.”
“As you wish,” David said. “But I won’t mark you differently than I will everyone else. Just so you know.”
The idiot just smiled. And so did David, and then gave him a test.
Look at that, I thought. What a smartass. Look at him all relaxed and confident. Grrr! He was just like Paris and London.
“Well, Miss Brown,” David said as he gave me my test. “Are you prepared?”
“Uhh, yea, I think so,” I answered.
“Good luck,” he said and winked at me. He returned at the head of the table and announced that we were allowed 30 minutes to complete the test.
Technically, he wished everyone good luck, but I had the feeling that he said it especially for me, which I thought was really nice of him. Too bad he was fifty years old and twenty five years my senior, and happily married, because he was what I imaged Calvin would be when he’d be David’s age. A well spoken man who could see through artificial beauty and appreciate smart, real people.

My studying had paid off. I finished the exercises quite quickly, and I was almost certain that I had done them right. There were only a few minor things that I wasn’t sure about. I looked over the test once more and then handed mine up at the front.
The good thing about David is that he marked the tests in the order he got them. This meant that we’d know our test results at the end of the half hour. I was actually excited to see what I got.
“Okay, everyone, come get your tests,” I heard David say.
“What!?” Paris yelled. “Only fourteen right? That’s impossible. There must be some mistake. I was sick the one day. I don’t understand anything!”
You got that right, I thought. Anyone can see that you’re stupid. Oh, and you spend too much time brushing your hair.
“On average, you had twenty one out of thirty two questions right,” David announced. “I can’t imagine you guys being too happy with that. Do you people never study? This isn’t high school you know. In two weeks, you have the final exam so you better start studying for these tests if you want to pass.”
After that speech, I was reluctant to get my test, but I managed to put aside my insecurities, and with a slight tremor, took my test.
I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer, and then opened them and looked at the top right corner. Thirty out of thirty two right! Thank you God and whoever discovered accounting.
“Only two of you had a mark of thirty or higher,” David said while I was making my way back to my seat, holding my test paper with confidence.
“And those people are Jessica and... Ben. Jessica had thirty right and Ben had thirty one. Congratulations!”
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a second. What!? Was it true that that idiot had come unprepared and managed to get almost perfect? How was this possible?
“I have to admit that I am impressed,” I heard David say. “Did you do a lot of accounting at your previous job?”
“No, can’t say I did. I think I was just lucky. But thanks.”
Grrr! He was being modest. At least that’s what it sounded like. It was impossible. It was disgusting.
Why, why couldn’t I have even a little bit of happiness? Why could I celebrate something for more than ten seconds?
He could have..., let’s say, have gotten fifteen right. Or even twenty five. Even twenty nine would have been ok. But thirty one – one more than me? UHH!!!

“Why do you look pissed?” Sarah asked me. “You should be grateful! I only got twenty two, and I’m not complaining!”
“I’m not pissed,” I hissed.
“Of course you are,” Sarah complained out loud. “It’s so obvious. You look like you’re gonna kill someone!”
“Can you shut up?” I said panicking. “There’s no need to yell.”
I didn’t want to give the new guy the satisfaction that I was upset. At least, not for a stupid reason, like the fact that he got one more question right than me. Why did I care, anyways?
Sadly, however, my wish did not come true. He had, of course, heard everything. He walked past Sarah and I, relaxed and with confidence and paused in front of S.
“Let her be upset,” he said. “She can’t control it. Surely, it’s the little kid in her.”
God, I hated him so much! I hated everything his cocky, confident, snob existence. Now my patience had run out. No more pretending he didn’t exist. This meant war!

Chapter Four - The Pen

Chapter 4
The Pen


The rest of the week went by painfully slowly. It seemed as though everywhere I went, people would snicker and start talking about soccer rules. I felt like I had the words “own goal” imprinted on my forehead.
Sarah, as usual, thought that I was just being paranoid and misinterpreting everyone’s behaviour. She kept reminding me that people had better things to do than sit around making fun of me and my soccer skills.
Soon after, however, something happened that changed everything.
It was Tuesday morning, and Sarah, Derek, James and I were walking across the office lobby on our way to get our Starbucks fix. Preoccupied with the question of whether or not John was sleeping with the cleaning lady, Amanda, we were completely unmindful of our surroundings.
Derek was claiming that there was no way John and Amanda were sleeping together, and S was insisting that they were. James and I weren’t sure.
“Why would John sleep with Amanda, a cleaning lady?” Derek asked. “He is worth like a billion more than what she is and we all know that he never does anything money is involved.”
“Who said money has anything to do with this?” S answered. “It’s very possible that John really likes Amanda and that she likes him back, regardless of their economical differences.”
“The thing though,” I said, “is that when did this start? If it’s true that is. I mean, John is so materialistic that it’s hard to imagine that he’d go for someone like Amanda.”
“And when does he see her?” Derek added. “She gets here when we leave so it’s not like they work the same hours. And where do they get together? There’s no way he takes her out in public.”
“Maybe they don’t see each other all the time. Maybe they just hang out at his place or something,” James said. “And I think Sarah’s right. I mean, have you not seen the looks they give each other? It’s like they’ve found their soul mate or something.”
“There is no way,” Derek replied. “That’s crap man, are you high? John is a greedy, selfish asshole incapable of loving anything but himself.”
Somewhere around there, I went all ADD and started looking around our favourite coffee shop to see if anyone else from work was there. And then, I saw Calvin walk in – his eyes looking greener than ever. From the corner of my eye I saw that he went and sat at a corner table by himself. I dared to look right at him – and he was looking right at me too!
I turned a deep shade of red, and quickly turned my head and in the opposite direction. God, why was I acting like a love struck teenager? Why couldn’t I appear confident, and flirt casually? But at least he had looked at me. And first, as a matter of fact. The question was for what.
“There’s only one way to find out,” I heard Derek say. “We’ll ask him.”
“Who?” I asked panicking.
“John, who else?” Derek answered. “We’ll drop hints around and see how he reacts.”
“Oh...” I said.
“Under one condition,” Sarah said looking at Derek and James. “You have to ask him.”
“Why us?” they asked in unison.
“Because you’re guys and it makes more sense.”
“K, fine,” James said. “I’ll ask. Just for you Sarah. I’d do anything for you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sarah replied, rolling her eyes.
“Look, he just walked in!” Derek said excitedly.
“K, let’s go,” S said. “Jess?”
“What?” I asked.
“Why are you standing there? Let’s go.”
“I don’t wanna come,” I said. “I’ll uhh... I’ll stay here.”
“Why?” Derek asked.
“Because I don’t want John to start talking about the soccer game,” I lied.
S looked at me suspiciously. I – discreetly – winked at her, and tried to point in Calvin’s direction with my head. She finally realized what was going on and linked arms with Derek and James and walked away.
I was left behind all alone, and I immediately began to regret it. It was so obvious why I had stayed behind.
And now what? Surely everyone will be looking at me. They’ll be thinking that after the whole soccer thing, no one would want to be seen with me. Not even my few friends...
“Jessica!”
Whoa, that came from where Calvin was sitting. I turned towards his direction and, suddenly, I found myself looking at him right in the eyes. Actually, I take that back. I wasn’t looking at his eyes, I had drowned in them. It was impossible to think of anything, I just stood there staring into his eyes.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, really,” I replied.
Ok, so to say that that wasn’t the best answer, would be an understatement. But at that moment, I was just happy that I was able to say anything. After that, I didn’t know what else to say. I just smiled at him.
And he smiled back. He smiled at me! There was no doubt now. There was a God. Who had decided to, finally, let Jessica Brown, a woman who up to now was pathetically neglected, feel utter happiness.
“I just wanted to ask you something,” Calvin said.
What? What was the question? Was it if I remembered that day, when I had first started with Anderson Advertising, when he asked me out? If I knew that he never got over the disappointment he felt when I said no? If I had realised that we were meant to be together? If I wanted to marry him and have kids, dogs, and all that stuff? Yes! Yes! Yes! Ask away!
“Have you got a pen with you?” Calvin asked.
“A pen?”
“Yea. I need to write something and I don’t have one on me. Do you have one with you?”
“Um, yea I think so,” I said taken aback, and started looking in my purse.
Underneath my gum, sunglasses, wallet and makeup back, I finally found an old pen I had from hotel I stayed at in Florida for a recent business trip. And I gave it to him.
“Thanks,” he said. “You’re really kind.”
“No worries,” I said. “You can keep it if you’d like. I mean, you don’t have to return it.”
“Cool. Thanks.”
Calvin smiled at me again, and then took out a piece of paper from his breast pocket, and started writing something. I was still standing there. Until I realised that the conversation was over. How embarrassing! I should have left right away.
I tried to pretend that I had just remembered something really important to do (not that Calvin was looking at me anymore). And I walked away, with what I hopped looked like purpose, towards the exit door.
As soon as I was outside, I took out my mirror and began examining my appearance. Great, my eye liner had made its way to my bottom lashes and there was some mascara on my right eye hid. Great! Oh my God my hair! Why had I slept in that morning? If I had gotten up on time I could have had nice, soft, shiny straight hair instead of this frizzy mess on my head? Uhh!
On my way to the office, I started replaying the whole thing in my mind, trying to figure out if the whole thing was a step forward or a step backward. Was I supposed to be in rapture or praying that I didn’t exist?
Hmm, I don’t think it was a step backward because at least he had talked to me. And smiled. Twice. Which equalled two smiles.
Which definitely meant a step forward. Yes, it was a good thing, no doubt.
Yay! Calvin and I had made progress. I immediately decided that I was in rapture.
When I got off the elevator on the 11th floor, Sarah, Derek and James almost ran into me. They were so excited, that they almost didn’t notice me.
“Watch out!” I exclaimed. “There’s living people walking around.”
“Sorry, Jess,” Derek said. “But I just can’t get over it.”
“Can’t get over what?” I asked.
“He totally caught on to what we were up to,” Sarah answered. “We were asking John random questions about the cleaning service in general, and then he got angry and demanded to know why we were bothering him with stupid questions when we should be working.”
“What did you tell him?”
“James started saying some bs about how he wanted to know if the cleaning people do a good job cleaning so that he can recommend them to his dad’s cottage for cleaning.
“Firm,” James corrected her. “I said for my dad’s firm.”
“Same difference,” S said. “The point is that John was pissed and told us to get back to work.”
“And then he left,” Derek added. “Damn it!”
I was trying to pay attention to the new plan they were coming up with in order to find out if John was sleeping with Amanda, but I found myself replaying the Starbucks incident with Calvin. I was going over every little detail (again) when it dawned on me that I shouldn’t have told him to keep the pen because that way, he wouldn’t have a reason to talk to me again. How could I have been so stupid?
In fact, maybe, that’s exactly what he wanted! Maybe the whole “I don’t have a pen”, was just an excuse to talk to me. Perhaps, deep down inside, he was as shy as I was!
But on the other hand, I would sound like such a cheapo asking for the pen back. Greedy and cheap. And I wouldn’t want to base our marriage on those things.

My BlackBerry vibrated, and a quick look at the display told me that the next accounting seminar was about to start. The four of us started walking towards Kingston, a big meeting room.
“Is it the new girl’s first day today?” Derek asked.
“Yup,” Sarah answered. “Delaney Peterson.”
“I hope she’s hot,” Derek said. “It’d be nice to have a hot chick for a change.”
“Hmm,” S said and narrowed her eyes at him.
“Obviously there’s Paris and London,” Derek said oblivious to Sarah’s death stare. “They’re hot, but unfortunately, they know it all too well.”
“And of course, we have Sarah and Jessica,” James said looking right at S.
This conversation made me worry a little. What is the new girl attracted all the guys? And what if Calvin fell in love with her at first sight, and swore to never ask for a pen from another woman?
We walked in Kingston. John was there talking to someone who was standing with their back to the door.
I froze. I knew that hair from somewhere. I couldn’t figure out from where, but I was certain I had seen it before.
“Good morning everyone,” John greeted all of us. “This is Ben Peterson, our new marketing executive.”
The person turned around – and with horror, I discovered where I knew that hair from. I had seen it at the wine section of The Food Emporium while I was choosing wine for my mum. And then at the self check out when the bottles fell from the machine.
It couldn’t be true! Standing in front of me was the asshole from the store – and he was smiling in the most ironic manner.
“We’ve met before,” he said and looked right at me.
“Oh, yea?” I said uncaringly. “Where? Anyways,” I added quickly before he began explaining where we knew each other from. “I don’t remember you.”
“Wasn’t he supposed to be Delaney?” Derek asked confused.
“Who?” the man asked.
“The new guy,” Derek explained and looked at John puzzled. “That’s what you said last week.”
“Oh, yes, you’re right. But that was because of a little mix up,” John explained.
“Yea, my first name technically is Delaney, but I go by my middle name Ben, because people always think I’m a girl,” the man said.
“Oh, I see,” Derek said. “Anyways, I’m Derek.”
“Yea and I’m Sarah,” my best friend introduced herself.
“Hey, I’m James,” James said. “Hope you are having a good day so far.”
“Thanks, everything seems great so far,” the man said and turned to me expectantly.
I didn’t even acknowledge him. I just walked towards the table and took a seat towards the back of the room.

“You were really sweet and kind,” Sarah said sarcastically joining me at the table.
“Coincidentally, that’s the man from The Food Emporium. You know the guy you told me I’d never see again.”
“Unbelievable,” she said.
“Exactly.”
There was only one thing to do, I decided. I would ignore him. Yea, that was a good plan. I would just act like he didn’t exist.
Paris and London walked in and discovered the new guy, and pretty much started drooling. Especially Paris who quickly whispered something to London. Then, she tossed back her black hair and giggled like a school girl drawing attention on her.
“Welcome to Anderson Advertising. It’s sooo nice to have you here!” she literally sang and then sat in the empty seat right next to him. “I’m Paris and this is London, and we’re best friends!”
With this “joke”, which they’ve been for years now, and with which neither S nor I, ever laughed with, London laughed so hard, she was literally holding her stomach. And the joke caught on because I heard that same awful laugh that I thought I’d never hear. It appeared as though they had the same sense of humour. Meaning none.

Calvin and I would laugh all the time together. That would be one of the things that we’d have in common – meaning the fact that we would laugh with the same things. With little inside jokes, that no one else would get.
From time to time, we would remember the incident with the pen and laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Because it would be thanks to that pen that we’d be married.
We’d even laugh with the own goal. And then, Calvin would hug me tightly and tell me that because of that, he finally realised that he had to have me. He’d admit that I had seemed a little silly, but really cute at the same time.

The seminar began and Paris involuntarily stopped talking. And I had to stop day dreaming and listen to the lecturer talk about balance sheets.
At the same time however, - and this was way more important – S and I started passing notes discreetly to one another.

Yay, Jess!
Finally alone! What happened at Starbucks???? I couldn’t ask you in front of D and J obviously. I want to know all the juicy dets.
xoxo, your very curious friend,
S

Dear curious friend,
EVERYTHING happened, that’s all I can say!!!
Or maybe this: it was a start. A very promising step in the right direction :) Dets during lunch, cause John is shooting daggers at me with his eyes.
xoxo , Jess

Fine, Jess :( Even though you know I hate waiting! John better watch his back cause I have all these plans to figure out what’s up between him and Amanda. And with everyone’s help, it won’t take long to get to the bottom of this!
S

During our lunch break I told her everything that happened with Calvin at Starbucks. S didn’t seem as excited as me. She said that I should have started talking to him in order to let him see my inner beauty.
Suddenly, I was filled with doubts. Maybe, after all, it wasn’t a step forward. Maybe I was reading into it, blowing things way out of proportion. Maybe all Calvin wanted was really to borrow a pen.
Thankfully, Sarah agreed to go along with my plan to ignore the guy from The Food Emporium, which made me feel a whole lot better. She agreed that anyone who laughs at people when they are in need of help are heartless people and that there is no point in talking to them.
Afterwards, she started telling me her latest plan to figure out if John is sleeping with Amanda.
I was listening to her quietly, although I had to admit that I wasn’t sure why she was so interested in the whole thing. Why would anyone care if our boss is sleeping with the cleaning lady?
Anyways, she’d get over it soon enough. Besides, it’s not like I minded listening to her. I could show my support. That’s what a good friend, and someone who’s happy, does.

Chapter Three - The Athletes

Chapter 3
The Athletes


I started my week excited and ready for anything. But as the says went by, I started worrying because nothing was happening. My week so far was as follows:

Monday: I almost bumped into him on my way to the elevator. For a second I thought he was looking at me but then I realised he was trying to wave at someone already on it.
Tuesday: I didn’t see him at all. I thought he might have met someone the day before and decided to run away with her, until Sarah told me he was in Maine for a business meeting.
Wednesday: I saw him walking down the hallway, looking hot as always. As I was walking in his direction, I saw Paris come out of a meeting room – and they started talking like they hadn’t seen in each other for weeks. I should have realised that Calvin likes annoying people as opposed to boring people like me.

On Thursday, I decided to forget once and for all about the stupid horoscope. I had to go to a seminar for accounting first thing and I wanted to arrive prepared and make a good impression on John and the teacher.
A few minutes later, I was sitting in the seminar room with my notebook open, trying to solve some exercises from Friday’s lesson. After about 10 minutes, I gave up. I wonder who discovered accounting. Surely someone really mean who wanted to make people suffer. I couldn’t figure out this one question and it was really starting to bug me, but there was no way I’d ask the lecturer for help. Giggles (what Sarah and I called the overly serious lecturer) had never been able to help me with any of the accounting exercises. And besides, everyone knew that those who kept asking questions were stupid.
I ripped a piece of paper from my notebook.

I need HELP!!! Have you solved question 5? It’s impossible without a calculator! Please enlighten me as to why we aren’t allowed to have calculators with us. I mean this isn’t grade 6! :( Please agree with me. And give me the answer to question 6. I’m beyond bored! xoxo J

I folded the paper and passed it to Sarah. Like always, Giggles was sitting at the head of the table reading an accounting textbook, oblivious to his surroundings. A few seconds later, my note landed on my notebook with the following written on the back:



Dear J, Are you on crack? I’m only on question 3. You should ask Derek or James, they’re probably almost done. Look how fast they are writing! Anyhoo, g2g and finish this crap! xoxo S

I looked up at Derek and James, and was trying to figure out which one I should ask for help, when John stood up and suggested we all take a break and have lunch.
“Oh, and since everyone from marketing is here,” he said, ”I would like to let everyone know that we will have a new marketing executive joining us from. Her name is Delaney Peterson and I believe she starts next Tuesday. I’ll send out a memo with more details later. Enjoy lunch everyone.”
John left the room and I immediately turned to Sarah.
“I wonder what she’s like,” I said.
“Who?” Sarah asked confused.
“Delaney Peterson, you know, the new marketing exec starting next week. Seriously S, do you never listen to John?”
“Not more than necessary. But now that you mentioned that I do remember him saying something about a Delaney. Hmm, she could be anything from a quiet girl with social issues to an obnoxious, perfect looking bitch like Paris. But she might be nice.”
“Yea, as long as she isn’t Calvin’s type. But what if she is?” I asked worried.
“Jess will you stop obsessing over him? Focus on the plan. Oh my God there’s John! Quick!” Sarah said when she spotted John Sr. who was on his way to play soccer with some other people from the company. Oblivious to the fact that Sarah was frozen in place, I kept walking and just smiled at John Sr. when he said hello to me.
“How are you Mr. Anderson?” I heard Sarah ask.
“Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. How many times have I told you to call me John? I’m really not that much older than you, you know,” I heard him reply.
I turned around to see Sarah blush.
“Haha, sorry John. I always forget,” she said nervously.
John Sr. chuckled and began to walk away. Noticing that Sarah had opened her mouth, and fearing of what she might say, I quickly went to her and grabbed her arm before she could say anything. It was no use; she freed herself from my grip and called out to him to ask him where he was going.
Slowly, Sarah’s latest love interest turned around with an amused expression on his face and said that he was going to go play soccer.
“Would you mind if Jess and I came as well? I mean if that’s ok with you,” I heard her ask.
Mortified, I looked at John Sr. to see his reaction at Sarah’s boldness.
“Sure, why not? The more the merrier!” he replied. “I’ll see you ladies at the club in a few minutes,” he added and then walked away.

Oh. My. God.

“Oh my God, Jess! Can you believe that? Please tell me that I’m not dreaming!” Sarah said while, literally, jumping up and down.
“S, calm down before someone sees you,” I warned her. “And yes, that did just happen!” I added with a smile. “You have balls, that’s for sure.”
“Yea, well let’s see how good I am at kicking them too,” she replied with a wink.

About twenty minutes later, Sarah and I were walking across the soccer field of a nearby fitness club. The teams were already selected and ready to start the game. Needless to say that I was chosen last. At least S and I were on the same team, which was better than nothing.
While I was putting on our team’s blue jersey, I looked over towards the track and saw a familiar figure warming up.
I swallowed hard. It was Calvin. What the hell was he doing?
I saw him walk over to a group of guys and realised that he was meeting up with them for a run; right next to the soccer field. With me running back and forth, al sweaty and out of breath, wearing the most unflattering outfit of all time.
I should have known. That’s how life is. At least that’s what it seems like, for me at least.
This time, I was grateful that he wasn’t looking in my direction. I quickly went over to the bench and sat down in a spot where I could hide for the next hour.
“Get your butt off that bench, right now missy!” Sarah yelled at me.
“S, c’mon,” I pleaded. “Didn’t you notice? Calvin’s at the track?”
“We’re “athletes”, Jess. You promised,” she replied, dismissing my excuse.
And she was right. I had already promised her I’d do it, and if it meant embarrassing myself in front of the man of my dreams, well then so be it! We had a game to play!
As soon as I ran to my spot on the field, John Sr. blew his whistle and the game begun. Crap! What were the rules again?
I could see people running back and forth like idiots. I knew that the point of soccer was to get the soccer ball in the net (something I learned while fighting Josh for the remote every day after school). The problem, however, was that the ball wasn’t staying in one place – like I was.
Which meant that I had to chase after it, I was sure of that much. I watched the ball for a while and then started running (I guess not fast enough) after it. Sadly, the only thing I accomplished was to arrive to where the ball was last, seconds after it had been kicked somewhere else.
Oh, man! Couldn’t it just stay still for a few seconds? Long enough so that I could kick it just once?
Sarah gave it her all. And I must admit that she did a great job. She was keeping up with the ball, passing it to other players many times, and overall she seemed to be having the time of her life.
From the corner of my eye, I saw John Sr. was watching her with a pleasantly shocked expression and from time to time, would wink at her or give her amused looks. The plan was going great. S was a genius!
Suddenly, the ball was coming right at me. Not hesitating, I used my torso to intercept it (something else I learned from Josh) and then I kicked it as hard as I could.
“Good one, Jessica,” someone yelled.
Good? Had I just actually done something right? It seemed like it cause someone was giving me a pat on the back. Awesome! I immediately wished that Calvin was watching me.
The ball was coming towards me again. I tried getting it again, and I succeeded. I started running with it and then passed it to someone else.
“Good job, Jess”, I heard someone shouted. “Keep it up!”
Hmm, I guess it wasn’t all that hard. Or was I born to play soccer and just hadn’t discovered it yet?
I was running across the field, excited and happy. I had finally found something I was good at. Maybe, Calvin and I would practise together. We’d meet at the soccer field when no one else was there and we’d play together. And then, we’d take showers together, and we’d...
Oh! There was the ball again. I needed to go after it right away. Rule number one for professional soccer players. I pushed Paris – who, to my great pleasure, screamed and ran away – and went after the ball, running at full speed.
There was nothing between the ball and me. We were one, moving across the field, through all the players. I could hear people cheering me on, and best of all, I could heard people shouting from the track. This, obviously, meant that Calvin was cheering for me as well. He and his friends were surely watching me now.
My horoscope, I thought excitedly, as I kept running with the ball. Everything it said had come out true! There I was, drawing my soul mate’s attention and impressing him – by trying a new sport. I would never doubt my horoscope again!
By this point, I was really close to the goal post. Nothing was in the way of me and the net. I stopped the ball, and then kicked it as hard as I could – and it went in. Right in the center of the goal post! YAY!!! GO ME!!!!
“GOAL,” I yelled excitedly, and raised my hands in the air.
I turned around to receive my teammates’ congratulations. Paradoxically, silence prevailed.
Clearly they’re all jealous, I thought bitterly. I looked over at the track, at least to take pleasure in a look of amazement from Calvin.
And to my joy, he was looking right at me; both he and his friends. Then, one of his friends burst out laughing and gave me the thumbs up.
“Nice Jessica!”
Ok, something wasn’t right. Why was no one looking at me in awe? And why did they all just look shocked and confused?
“Um, right,” John Sr. said. “1-0 for the red team, after Jessica’s own goal.”
Shit! Had I actually scored in my team’s net? UHH!!! Of course I had! I scored against my own team – what a stupid, useless, psycho, pathetic, loser...
“Don’t worry Jess, it’s alright,” John Sr. said trying to comfort me. “What matters is not giving up! You did good out there!”
“Don’t give up!” What the hell was wrong with him? Seriously! Did he not realise what had happened? I had just embarrassed myself beyond repair in front of Calvin, the man of my dreams. And all he could say was, “don’t give up”? My God, what an idiot! UHH!!!

Needless to say, the rest of the game I sat on the bench praying the game would finish soon so I could go back to the office. My career as a professional soccer player was officially over.
Unfortunately, we lost 2-0, despite Sarah’s hard work and enthusiasm, which lasted until the end of the game. As we were walking away from the field, I heard John Sr. call her over to talk to her.
I walked alone to the change room, not daring to look at the track. I would never even dream of looking at Calvin in the eye again.
And I’m sure he wouldn’t want to look at me either.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, I could hear Paris and London bragging about how well their team did – walking around like they owned the place. And when they walked by me, they started laughing. And, then, Paris turned to me:
“Thanks for the help, Jessica.”
“Oh, no problem,” I said with air. “It looked like you needed it.”
Stupid cows. They didn’t even care that their team won. They didn’t even touch the ball. Probably, because they were afraid that their nice outfits might get dirty.

“To be honest, I don’t get why you took it to heart,” Sarah said when she came to the change room.
“You and your damn horoscopes,” I replied.
“What do my horoscopes have anything to do with this? Besides it was your horoscope, in case you don’t remember.”
“They have everything to do with this! If it weren’t for horoscopes, I’d be quietly sitting on the bench the entire game, as opposed to, suddenly trying to impress you know who.”
“Your soul mate,” S said.
“Exactly. The whole point was to get his attention and impress him. Ha! How could I have been so stupid?”
“Ok, listen to me. First of all, horoscopes had nothing to do with this. You were just trying to help me in order for me to impress John. This means that you were being really nice and thoughtful, not stupid. Right?”
“Yea, I guess,” I said thoughtfully. “But it was because of the stupid horoscope that I suddenly decided to try a sport.”
“Secondly,” Sarah continued, “you can’t just blame your horoscope, when what it said turned out true. Your horoscope said that you would get the noticed by your soul mate. And that is exactly what you did.”
“Yea, but it also said that I would impress him,” I added peevishly.
“Oh, please,” she said, “details, details, details.”
There was no point in continuing the conversation. Her mantra was “be optimistic and think positive thoughts”.
“What did John want?” I asked changing the subject.
“Who?” S asked carelessly, while brushing her hair.
“I saw him ask you to go talk to him. Spill.”
“He said that I am really good at soccer.”
“Wow, S! That’s awesome! It’s a good thing right?” I asked after seeing her expression.
“He suggested I teach Adriana how to play,” she replied almost angrily. “Get it?”
“No, not really,” I answered.
“He wants me to teach his girlfriend how to play,” she explained. “Don’t you get it? He just wants to use me. He doesn’t recognize the fact that I am a mature woman with a busy schedule.”
I decided to keep the fact that she was neither a mature woman nor really busy to myself. There really was no point in focusing on little details. What S needed was comforting.
“So you probably feel like shit right now, right?” I asked compassionately.
“Why would I?” she asked nonchalantly. “I don’t like him anymore.”
“You don’t like him anymore?”
“Nope. Why should I waste my time with an immature guy like him, who doesn’t recognize a mature woman, even when she’s right in front of him?”
“Don’t forget amazing athlete,” I added.

We gathered all our stuff together, and started to make our way back to the office. I took comfort in the fact that it was Friday, which meant that we got to leave at 3 pm, and it was already 2pm.
“Maybe Calvin thought you were irresistible,” Sarah said thoughtfully. “It’s a known fact that most guys like girls who are helpless.”
“I wouldn’t say so; this was completely different.”
“Because, then they seem big and powerful,” she explained. “The own goal might be a dream come true for all men.”
“Calvin isn’t like that,” I said. “He’s a believer of emancipation.”
“How do you know?”
“You can see it from his eyes.”
“Uh-huh,” S said.
We turned on the corner and arrived at the Starbucks by our work. And we both knew that we deserved a treat.

Chapter Titles!!!

Any help with chapter titles would be greatly appreciated!!! :)

Chapter Two - The Klutz Queen

Chapter 2
The Klutz Queen


The incident with the magazine happened on Friday. Thankfully, I managed to get through the rest of the day without any other embarrassing moments (I even saw Calvin for a few seconds and there was no change in his behaviour – meaning he didn’t notice me). And now I was in bed after having gone out with Sarah and my two other friends, Derek and James, to a bar near my apartment last night, thankful that it was Saturday morning and I could stay in bed for as long as I wanted.
“I better find your love and I better find your heart I better find your love and...” Drake’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I quickly got out of bed and went to the kitchen in search of my BlackBerry.
“I bet if I give all my love, Then nothing’s gonna tear us apart,” Drake was singing the last part of the chorus, just as I dug my Blackberry out of my purse. One quick look at the display, told me it was my mum.
“Hi mum,” I answered the phone.
“Hi darling, how are you? Why weren’t answering your phone? I thought something happened!” she said worried. “You didn’t just get out of bed did you?” she asked shocked.

You see, the thing with my mum is that she, unlike me and my older brother Josh, is an early riser. Meaning, she believes in waking up at 6 am, even on weekends (yes, I know!), in order to make the most of her day. And of course, she expects everyone else to do the same. Now, you might think she’s like that because she goes to bed early and doesn’t have a social life. On the contrary she’s always either at dinner parties, or hosting them at the new UES condo she shares with my stepdad, Kevin. In fact, sometimes, as embarrassing as it is for me to admit, she has more events to attend than Sarah and I combined. Yea, it’s sad... I know, trust me I know...
“Well mum, Sarah, Derek, James, and I went out yesterday so I slept late. Plus, today is Saturday, so I thought I’d sleep in a bit,” I answered defensively.
“Ok, well anyways, the reason I called is because I’m on my way up,” she said.
“K, I’ll leave the door open,” I said while unlocking my front door.
I heard the door open a few seconds later, just as I was lying back down in my bed.
“I’m in here,” I called out.
“Hi sweetheart,” she greeted me with a smile. “I brought you your favourite,” she said handing me a Grande Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato.
Just as I was about to thank her, I saw her giving the room a searching look, taking in the clothes, shoes, as well as, last night’s outfit, scattered on my bedroom floor.
“I’m gonna clean up, I swear,” I said quickly in order to avoid any comments.
“Yes, of course,” she said succinctly.
Of course this wasn’t the first time she’d heard me say that. You see when I was still living at home, my room was always neat – I never left the house in the morning without making the bed and making sure everything was in its place. But then I moved out and well, life got busy. I mean trying to get a guy to notice you, is actually really time consuming!
“Don’t worry, I didn’t come here to discuss your organization skills, or lack of thereof. I came to ask if you’d like to go shopping for tonight’s girls’ night,” she said.
“Where?” I asked, playing for time.
Unfortunately, I already knew the answer. And if I didn’t come up with an excuse soon, I’d have to endure a trip to The Food Emporium on Madison Avenue.
“Probably to The Food Emporium,” she answered.
“Hmm, well to be honest I was planning on doing some work from home. And cleaning up a bit,” I said.
“Yes, but you can do that tomorrow. Besides you like going there; I don’t understand why you’re hesitant.” She said confused.
Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out when exactly I gave my mum the impression that I enjoy going to The Food Emporium. I guess I must have made some remark that my mum interpreted as me liking that grocery store because she asks me to go there at least three times a month.
“Why don’t you ask Josh to come with you? You know how much he loves that store.” I suggested.
“Don’t be silly, Jess. Josh is on his way home from his trip in L.A.” she replied. “Besides he doesn’t like going there as much as you do.” She concluded.
Seriously! I still don’t get how my brother manages to get out of doing anything he doesn’t like. He’s probably making out with some girl he just met!
“Anyways, get dressed so we can leave, please.”
I had no choice but to go with her. Besides it wasn’t my mum’s fault. Much...
“Ok,” I said trying to sound enthusiastic. “The Food Emporium, awesome!”
About 15 minutes later, I was in the car with my mum and Kevin who was once again, talking about his work.
I have to admit that Kevin doesn’t have many faults: If you exclude the fact that, apart from my mum, his other big interest is his job.
That day, he was especially excited because he has just signed a deal with a client who has been playing hard to get for months.
“You should have the seen Jack’s face when Martin signed the papers. He was so shocked and confused I managed to get Jack to sign. It was priceless!” I heard Kevin repeat for the fifth time, from the front seat.”Oh and I forgot to tell you, I also got a whole week off, which means we can go to Barbados and stay at that resort you like.” He added.
“That’s great honey!” My mum exclaimed. “You deserve a break, and that resort really is amazing.” My mum said just before she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
It was nice to see my mum so happy. After her divorce with my father, almost 9 years ago (when I was 16), I thought she would never find someone. Now my father lives in Alabama with his new girlfriend, the lamest state in the world. And my mum lives with Kevin (who drives a Maserati Quattroporte!!!!) here in Manhattan, and everything is perfect.

When Calvin and I get married, I’ll accept all his eccentricities; that’s what I decided while Kevin and my mum continued making plans. I’m sure that he wouldn’t talk about his work all the time, but I’m sure he’d want to discuss a football game or a soccer match sometimes.
I’d listen to him carefully, and make clever comments that would express my interest. I’d make sure I made comments about the games, as well as, individual players – how hard can it be to google someone and find out their stats? And on the plus side, I’d get to stare at pictures of hot guys! – until Calvin saw that we really are meant to be.
We arrived at The Food Emporium, a big, vintage looking store, with 6’ tall, vivid images of food on the outside and a big sign advertising this week’s special on Ghirardelli chocolates and Big House White Californian wine.
“Ok, let’s get organized,” Kevin said joining my side. “Jess, you go get the wine, and your mum and I will get everything else we need.”
“Ok, sure. Mum you want 3 reds and 2 whites right?” I asked while walking towards the alcoholic beverages just to make sure.
“And get a bottle of champagne, please,” she called out.


Calvin and I would eat out a lot. At least two times a week. We would meet after work at quiet, romantic restaurants and we would talk about our amazing careers.
From time to time, I’d surprise him with a home cooked meal that I would have put together on a whim. Probably something Greek or maybe something exotic like Thai. Calvin would be delighted and gaze at me with tears in his eyes, telling me how lucky he is to have met me. Because not only was I am amazing marketing executive, but also an amazing cook...
“Hello? ... Miss...?”
I looked up to see a young girl staring at me.
“What?” I asked irritated.
“Would you like to try some of our new chocolate croissants?” she asked politely.
Yum! Who can say no to chocolate!?
“Oh. Um... yes, please. Sorry for snapping at you,” I said apologetically, “I was just thinking about something important.”
“No problem!” she said while handing me a warm chocolate croissant.
I thanked her and continued walking past the bakery to the alcoholic beverage section trying not to look too excited.
Umm, one taste and I was in heaven! I’ll admit, even though I hate this store, their chocolate treats are to die for. Plus, they usually handed out little recipe cards to go with the samples, which was actually pretty cool.
I arrived at my destination and began looking at all the wines thinking about Calvin’s reaction when after dinner, I would bring out dessert (a chocolate brownie topped with espresso ice cream and chocolate syrup, for which he would go on and on about with enthusiasm – pointing out the fact that along with all the things we had in common, we also shared a passion for chocolate).
As I was trying to figure out which wines to buy, I became aware of someone behind me. One quick glance told me that he was around my age, maybe 2 or 3 years older, about 6’ tall, with curly hair the color of espresso bean and he looked very at ease, like the whole world belonged to him.
Ignoring him, I turned around and reached for my mum’s favourite, Krug Clos D’Ambonnay Blanc De Noirs Brut Champagne ’95. Next, I grabbed two bottles of Cheval Blanc MG and I was about to pick up a bottle of D’YQUEM when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Turning around to see who it was, I looked into the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Do you need help with that?” the man with the curly hair said in a deep, raspy voice.
“Um... uh... no... not really...thanks though.” I said trying – but failing – to sound confident.
“K,” he chuckled in response. He grabbed a case of Heineken from the shelf and then walked away.
I stared after him for a few seconds, trying to fight the urge to throw one of the bottles at his curly head, and then proceeded to the check out.
On the way there, I remembered that The Food Emporium had self check out, and immediately felt better. I love using the self check out because when I was little, I would pretend to be the cashier (sadly, something I still do) and it would be the highlight of the shopping trip. Plus, since practically no one uses the self check out, there are never any line ups which means no waiting around for the cashier to finish flirting with a customer (annoying), or to figure out how to use the register (even more annoying).
Anyways, I arrived at the self check out section and saw that all but one were already taken. Grateful for my good luck, I walked over and gently placed the bottles on the machine.
Just as I picked up the first bottle to scan it, I heard someone tapping their foot. Turing my head to the left, I saw the man with the curly hair staring at me. I noticed that he was in a hurry, because he kept glaring at my bottles.
Ignoring him, I turned around and continued scanning the bottles and placing two bottles in a bag. I had already bagged four bottles, and was about to bag the last bottle. How what happened next occurred, is unknown; all I know is that both bags were on the machine, still. Suddenly, however, one bag fell from the machine and was immediately followed by the second bag, both bags making a loud thud.
And of course, I was standing beneath them.
I don’t really think that there is any need to go into detail about what my, until recently, clean white sundress looked like thanks to the wine. Nor about the puddle of wine that I was stepping in, which had completed ruined my brand new Louboutin sandals.
Evidently, this whole event was completely ridiculous. But, still, it doesn’t justify the shameless cackle I heard coming from the guy behind me. He was laughing so loud, that I’m sure the whole grocery store heard him.
What an asshole! He was standing there with his pressed black Polo shirt and he was laughing maliciously while the wine mixture was dripping down my arms.
I shot him a look that (I was hoping) could kill. And then, as gracefully as possibly, I bent over and started picking up the broken bottles.
Sadly, I think that I must have looked pathetic because the laughing idiot remembered his manners and bent down to help me.
“Thanks, “I said blatantly, grabbing the bottle from his hand. “I can manage.”
“Oh, common stop it,” he said in a tone that sounded like he was talking to a little kid.
“You stop!” I exclaimed, not caring that I sounded like a five year old. “Are you deaf?”
Evidently he wasn’t. He shrugged, laughed ironically and walked to a recently available check out, stopping there for a few seconds, and then walked out of the store.
Thankfully, an employee appeared at that moment and cleaned up the mess, giving me time to go and get more wine.

Finally, I met up with my mum and Kevin who both raised their eyebrows but seeing my expression didn’t ask any questions.

What would Calvin do if he saw a damsel in distress in front of a self check out? I mean if that was where we met for the first time.
The answer is obvious. There is no way he would laugh. Not one in a million. Carefully, he would set everything on the ground – in this case his beer bottles. Then, he would crouch down on his knees to make sure I wasn’t hurt (he would pick up the broken bottles later).
He would look at my dirty dress with a worried expression and then he would take out a clean handkerchief and offer it to me. Our hands would touch lightly. And, suddenly, the atmosphere between us would become electrified. Words would be superfluous. And at that exact moment we would both know that we are...

“Ok, honey, here you are...” my mum’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “Thanks for coming shopping with us!”
“Yea, no problem. See you guys later,” I said as I got out of the car.
“Good afternoon Miss Brown,” Sergio, my building’s doorman, greeted me with a smile. I could tell he was trying really hard not to laugh at my dress.
“Hey Sergio. Like my outfit?” I asked just to see his reaction.
“Um... Oh, yes. Of course. The colors... they uh, suit you,” he replied nervously.
“Good reply,” I said and then winked right before I went in through the door he was politely holding for me.

A few minutes later, I was in my bathtub relaxing with a glass of wine (ironic, I know), listening to one of my favourite Pavarotti CDs, and fantasising about Calvin. Living alone was wonderful! No little brother to bug me, no mum to yell at me, just me, alone with my thoughts...fantasizing about Calvin...
“I better find your love and I better find your heart I better find your love and...” Drake’s voice interrupted my latest fantasy. I groaned and reached for my BlackBerry promising myself that next time, I wouldn’t bring it with me in the bathroom.
“What is it?” I asked annoyed, without looking at my display screen.
“Hmm, if you aren’t in the mood to talk, I can call later,” I heard Sarah say hurt.
“S! Hey, no, sorry about that. But you wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through today!” I said changing the tone of my voice.
Ten minutes later, Sarah knew every little detail about the whole wine incident, and she was laughing hysterically on the other line.
“It’s not funny,” I said to her. “I expected some sympathy from you and some comforting words. But instead you are laughing louder than that asshole. You have no idea how much I hate him.
“Oh my god! This is hilarious!” I heard her say while gasping for air. “You totally made my day, Jess!”
“Oh, I’m so happy my misfortunate made you laugh.”
“Oh, common Jess. Don’t be like that,” she said seriously. “So you embarrassed yourself. What’s the big deal? It’s not like you’re gonna see him again!”
“True,” I said. “I guess that’s something.”
“Imagine if Calvin had been there!”
“You’re right,” I said. “I have to think optimistically.
“Oh, know that you said that, let’s talk about what I called you to talk about. I have good news! About you and Calvin!” Sarah exclaimed.
My heart started racing. Was this for real? Had Calvin talked to someone about me? Had he actually realised that we are soul mates?
“To be more specific, I’m referring to your horoscope for next week.” Sarah added.
My heart stopped racing. I decided to stop thinking optimistically. What was the use?
“K, listen,” Sarah began enthusiastically. “Cancer: Under intimate Venus, you will find yourself successful in getting noticed by your soul mate. You will manage to impress him very easily thanks to enthusiastic Mars. Finally, this is the best time to start a new sport. It just might turn out to be the beginning of a very interesting few weeks.”
“That’s all?” I asked slightly disappointed.
I have to admit, I was expecting more details. For example, what was I supposed to do to get his attention? Where and when? Those kinds of details: Simple and straightforward.
“Jessica, don’t be meticulous,” Sarah answered. “It says it here clearly. You will get Calvin’s attention this coming week. What else do you need to know?”
“I need details,” I said. “A plan so analytical and straightforward that even an idiot could understand. Don’t forget we’re talking about me. The klutz queen.”
“You just have to sit back and let things happen,” Sarah replied. “And everything will fall into place, you’ll see.”
I promised I would, since I didn’t really have a choice. Plus, it’s not like I had anything to lose.