Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Chapter Seven - The Non Girly Girl

Chapter 7
The Non Girly Girl

That’s how women should behave, I had noticed. Positively. They had to laugh with anything, and think everything is super-fantastic-amazing-perfect. Even though, it turns out, everything sucks. Sadly, how that’s the way it works. And whoever didn’t follow that rule was... in a way, not a female. At least not the prototype of a female.
It’s sad really. It’s almost like cleaning or going to the dentist. You are, in some way, forced to do it. Even if deep down you don’t want to. Suddenly I realised why so many women are miserable; because they can’t follow that rule.
Mentally I made a list of seven sins for women:

1. Bitchy remarks (girls must always be polite and think positively all the time).
2. Bad mood (girls must always smile and laugh - even if they don’t think something is funny).
3. Smart only in certain areas (girls must only be good at art, music and gym).
4. Show angrer (on the contrary, girl must cry).
5. Dislike for animals and kids (we must think they are adorable).
6. Short nails (women must always have perfectly manicured nails and toenails – preferably in a French manicure).
7. Dislike for organization (a woman must love order and always have a schedule).

Afterwards, I re-read my list. And I came to the sad realization that I had six out of seven points.
At school I wasn’t the smartest student. But I was so bad in art, music and gym that I got only half a point. And I did like kids, unless they were spoiled little brats who cried all the time and never did as told. But I was definitely scared of most animals, especially kittens (apart from the fact that cats in general are evil, they have nails and will scratch you at any time for no reason; the fact that this doesn’t keep parents from buying kittens for their kids is definitely a mystery!). That’s another half point. Therefore, that’s six out of seven.
In other words: now I had it writing (or at least in the form of a list). I had no trace of femininity. I wasn’t a “girly girl”. It made sense, then, that Calvin would prefer Rebecca over me. Without a doubt, she would always be a perfect woman, without any points.

I woke up when Sarah started poking my stomach.
“What are you thinking about so intently?”
“Your socks are dirty by the way.”
“I know,” I said. “I don’t feel like washing them. I’m not a girly girl.”
“Never mind.”
“Ok, listen to this,” Sarah said. “Gemini...”
“Wait, why are you reading Gemini?” I asked. “You’re Pisces aren’t you?”
“Yea, yea,” she said impatiently. “But John is a Gemini.”
“And you want to read his horoscope?” I asked her. “How is that gonna help us?”
“Can you please stop talking for a sec? I found something interesting.”
I honestly couldn’t figure out what could be so interesting about John’s horoscope. But nothing could stop Sarah. The only think I could do was shut up and listen.
“You might found yourself in a position where honesty is a must. Perhaps you’ll need some help in order to tell all. Just think, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”
Sarah’s eyes were wide with excitement. Her expression was that of someone who just won the lottery. Like actually.
“Do you get it?” she asked.
“He needs help. It says it here. John will admit if he’s sleeping with Amanda only if someone helps him.”
Oh, God. There was no saving her. The only thing I could do was call a psych ward and ask them to send over a representative, and a car to take her.
“The tricky thing is how,” S continued oblivious to my thoughts. “I think I have to call Derek and James and ask them what they think.”
“Wait, how do you know that John is a Gemini?” I asked suspiciously.
“We have our ways, darling.”
Nostalgically I thought of the old Sarah, before this whole thing with John started. The old Sarah. The one who fell in love with a different guy every week, and with whom you could have a normal conversation.
That was the Sarah I knew and loved. And I wanted her back. Plus, to be completely honest, I was a little jealous that she was having so much fun acting like Sherlock Holmes with Derek and James.
“Why don’t you fall in love with someone?” I asked. “That way you might be able to forget about all this crap.”
“You’re the only one who thinks this is crap,” she said defensively. “And maybe John. But that doesn’t matter. We think this is a lot of fun.”
“By “we” you mean you, Derek and James,” I said sulkily.
“Exactly. And you’re welcome to join us. After you set free your fun side. You know, the one that’s been hiding lately.”
“You know what? I think that deep down you’re in love with John and that’s why you’re obsessed with finding out if he’s sweating it up with Amanda every night.”
“Yea, of course,” S retorted. “How could I resist an asshole?”

No, there was no way I’d join their little club. I already had my own problems with Calvin I had to deal with. Plus, yea John was hot, but every time he opened his mouth, I pretty much wanted to slap him.
And in the meantime, I had discovered that my new neighbour, Ben, had managed to pretty much become bffs with John and all the other jerks from Anderson Advertising. Even John Sr. was impressed by him. You’d think a smart business would be able to see what an ass Ben was. Basically, the guy had managed to get on everyone’s good side and they thought he was amazing. Especially Paris. She was always either talking to him in his office or having lunch with him or going to meetings with him. Basically, she was everywhere he was.
Whatever. It’s not like I cared.

“I got it!” Sarah yelled, startling me.
“What’d you get?”
“The summer barbeque!” she exclaimed. “That’s when we’ll get him.”
Every year Anderson Advertising holds a semi-formal 4th of July party in celebration of our country’s national holiday and to celebrate the company’s anniversary. It’s a big deal, and all employees take part in preparing for the event. (John likes to make people do most of the work, even prepare some of the food, in order to honour those who had to do everything themselves, back when Anderson had ten employees and no money to spend on a venue or any helpers.) Everyone from the members of the board of directors to the interns does their part in ensuring the event is a success. It’s an event in which we are supposed to “get to know each other in a more relaxed environment”. It’s actually a bit of fun.
“It’s the perfect opportunity,” S continued. “John will be relaxed and calm. In a party mood... and hopefully a little tipsy! The only thing we need is to get him alone for a bit and ask him. It’s perfect!”
She jumped up from my bed and quickly folded the magazine in her purse.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Home, to call Derek and James. We have to come up with a plan,” she said and then practically ran out of my apartment, leaving me alone.

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